Fail to Plan or Plan to Fail? Why We Avoid Important Decisions

This is a guest post by Tyler Tervooren, author of Frugally Green, a blog dedicated to connecting sound personal finance with environmental sustainability. Tyler writes today about acting on issues that make us uncomfortable, but save us money and stress when addressed early on.

Hi there. I’d like to introduce you to my friend Paul. Paul’s one the nicest guys I’ve met. He’d do anything for you if you asked him to. He’s also my roommate and is moving out in a month. I didn’t plan for this, and now that it’s reality, I sure wish I had. I’ve lived with Paul for two years which is, by all means, plenty of time to come up with a backup plan. I never did. In my mind, preparing for the day when Paul and I would part ways was like admitting that, somehow, someday, our friendship wouldn’t work anymore. Every time the thought would cross my mind, I would begin to think, “How could I do that to such a good friend?” This probably seems illogical to most (and rightly so) but what if the relationship was changed to a spouse and I was writing about prenuptials? That might spark a bit of debate!

Either way, I did not plan for this inevitable scenario. And why didn’t I? Probably for the same reason that people don’t prepare a will, appoint a power of attorney, or buy insurance that they know they’ll need. Thinking about the events that will make these things useful causes us serious discomfort. Unfortunately, we’ve been socially conditioned to fear them. As a response, we push them to the backs of our minds where action doesn’t seem so urgent. We’ve all heard the famous warning, “If you fail to plan, you plan to fail,” but what if you actually are planning to fail? That might be what it seems like in the moment, but when you consider the alternatives, it doesn’t look so bad.  

Be Honest with Yourself

Over the last two years living with Paul, I admit, I thought many times about the likeliness that our compelling life interests would someday send us opposite directions, but we were such good friends that planning for it felt like betrayal. Boy, was I wrong! Now that I am in the middle of it, I can see just how much it really would have helped us approach this situation, relieving a lot of tension. Don’t get me wrong, I’m excited for Paul as he moves on to another chapter of his life, but when I say “congratulations,” there’s still that little spot in the back of my mind that thinks, “How the hell am I going to pay rent next month?” I can tell Paul is a tad off, too. He knows how he’s affecting my financial situation. Now, Paul and I will always be close friends, but all this could have been avoided by simply being more honest with myself.

I never really thought of it as such, but when you become a roommate with someone, you have essentially formed a business relationship. Sure, we might be great friends and enjoy each other’s company, but at the heart of this relationship is a financial synergy that we benefit from, teaming up to live somewhere that neither of us could afford on our own. When you factor that in with the reality that the overwhelming majority of roommate situations are, ultimately, only temporary, the possibility of a big financial impact is pretty obvious should the relationship end with no exit strategy. The worst part is, I’ve done this before! The last two times I’ve lost a roommate has been due to one event or another that left me searching for a new place to live. You’d think I’d have learned my lesson by now!

The Power of Emotion

Your own emotions are incredibly influential. They are constantly telling you what to do, what not to do, when to do it, how to do it. They’re really important, too. It’s our emotions that allow us to create deep and meaningful relationships with people, places, and things. But in this situation, it has certainly got me in a bit of trouble. When was the last time you made a purely emotional decision only to realize that you hadn’t thought it all the way through?

Removing emotion from financial decisions is excellent advice that I’ve heard many times, but as you can see, it’s simple to ignore. It’s easy to get caught up in the emotion of such a decision – weighing your necessities, confronting your fears, and considering your loved ones’ feelings and well being all at the same time. Yet, a simple shift in perception is all that’s really necessary to call yourself to action. The truth is that I was misinterpreting my emotions. If I had taken a step back from the situation and thought about how my failure to plan could affect others, I would have seen that making a strategy that helped myself would have helped Paul too.  

So what do I do now? What’s done is done, but not forgotten. I now have to either find another roommate to move in, or relocate to a less expensive place (which comes with its own set of expenses). Luckily, I think I’ve finally learned my lesson by really reflecting on what was causing me to ignore a recurring problem. In the future, I will do these 3 things to make sure I am prepared for an inevitable separation:

• Be completely honest with myself and my roommate(s) about money – It’s not the most comfortable thing to do, but practice makes perfect, right? This is all part of building a strong, lasting relationship, as well. I expect that doing so compassionately will lead to more respect than it will resentment.

• Inflate my emergency fund to accommodate a future problem - I have savings set aside, so I’ll be ok, but it’s certainly no fun watching the things I’ve saved for take a back seat to an event I could have planned for a long time ago.

• Continue to expand my network - Since I began working full-time and spending all my free moments developing Frugally Green, I’ve neglected to keep up with some really cool people. These folks could potentially be looking for a place to live themselves or know someone who is. As it is, I’ll likely have to put an ad on craigslist.

Now, my problem is unique, but the lesson is universal. We tend to shy away from things that cause us discomfort. But, if we realize that we may be misinterpreting our emotions and that confronting them will help someone else as well, it’s a lot easier to swallow. What’s happening in your life that you might be ignoring because it’s uncomfortable to address? Is it a legitimate fear or could you be misinterpreting your emotions like I did? Better yet, how can we learn to stop fearing things that we know will come to pass no matter what we do?

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